New Discovery

I never knew that it was so hard blending families. I grew up in a blended family, but I just thought we were some kind of anomaly and that's why he had some hard times that other families didn't have. However, my blended family was a little different than the ones we went over in class. It made me giggle inside a little when one of our class mates suggested that if a blended family was composed of a mother whose husband died and a father whose wife died then there would be no troubles. Well, this is my family and even if the trouble are of a different nature they are still there. I think it's easy to say that if everyone shared a common trial then that would make them bond, but the problem with that is everyone perccieves experiences (even if it's the same experience) differently.
         I wish I understood the effects of a blended family earlier. I think I would have been more understanding and accepting of my parents' and siblings' attitudes. I know that this has beena recurring theme in all of my blogs and I hope I don't sound like a broken record, but this is why it's so important to learn about the family from a secular, no just religious, standpoint. Knowledge is power, and I think that the family is so important that we shouldn't just be "shooting from the hip" as we date, marry, and create a family.

Learning vs. Compliance...a change in behavior doesn't always mean that learning has occurred

I learned a lot in this section of the class. I really like the distinction between compliance and learning. Learning is more that just a change in behavior. I think that this is going to be the challenge in parenting, at least for me. I think that it's going to be so easy to give in to our desires to either over pamper our children, or to punish them in order to change their behavior. I think that this is mainly due to a lack of perspective. Instead of looking down the road and seeing that compliance will only change behavior if someone is there to inforce it, we see the present where our children will finally be forced do what's best for them. And the thing is that we want their behavior to change because we love them, not because we want to boss them around. But that's why it's so important to be educated on effective parenting so that we can effectively show our love for them by teaching them, not just changing behavior.

one for the money

I had learned the principles out of one for the money before, but I never delved that deep into them. Foe example, I never thought there was so much that went into teaching children to pay tithing. I just assumed there were spiritual blessings, I never even considered the way that single principle could insluence the family. I have always been committed to this principle, but now the importance is even more imprinted in my mind. Also, I never thought that budgeting together would actually bring a husband and wife closer. I knew that financial problems would bring us appart, but I never thought that bugeting together could actually strengthen bonds. I really like learning way that the gospel is perfectly in place so that if we follow the councils we will be stengthened. This class has really helped strengthen my faith in following the prohpets.

Parenthood is a sacrafice- there's not way around it.

I liked the discussion of this week, but today's topic was definately the best in my opinion. I never knew that just something so simple as the mother entering the workforce would have such a huge and lasting effect on children! This is a topic that has weighted on my mind for quite a while because I really like the field I'm going in to, and I really like working and feeling financially productive. At the same time I knew that the prophets discouraged mothers working outside of the home, but I always hoped that I would be the exception. Well, guess what- I'm not the exception (after all, everyone can't be the exception). I think that parenting is a sacrafice. Fathers have to sacrafice time with the family and their personal ambitions to work, and mothers have to sacrafice the respect and satisfaction the comes from working outside the home and her own personal ambitions to be with the children. The thing is, though, that it's worth it in the end. We want to be like Heavenly Father. He's not Heavenly Businessman, or Heavenly Nanny- He's our father, and we're his "work and glory." I almost feel like making our families anything less than our "work and glory" is unacceptable to Heavenly Father. But this is just my opinion so take it for what it's worth.

That stunk! to thank you

I think my favorite part of this last week was making that list of 10 crises in our family or a family close to us, and then in class rating it from "that stunk!" to "thank you." As I was making my list and trying to recall family crises there were no thoughts of "thank you," only "that stunk!" I had never thought about those trials from a present perspective. In class Brother Williams asked us to think about how those trials influenced our family system and this helped me to see the positive effects the trials had. After recognizing how each specific trial had strengthened and bonded my family I had to rate almost all of our crises as "thank you." I really like learning about families as a system. This gives me a new view of my family now, and changes the the way I perceive past events (the cognition part of crises.)

Boundaries

I never thought that boundaries were so important in a marriage. I always knew that cheating (on any level) was wrong, but I didn't know that things could slip so fast. That story of the girl who ran into her old friend on campus really blew me away. I kind of thought that having too clear of boundaries meant that you distrusted your spouse, but I see now that it means the opposite. Boundaries are definitely something that I want to discuss with my fiance before I get married!

Equal treatment?

I really liked the discussion in class today about how wives can sometimes be a little too controling. I've seen this a lot in my extended family and it kind of drives me crazy. My friend told me that at his cousin's wedding she told him that all he needed to know for marriage was how to say, "Yes ma'am." This makes me wonder how successful that marriage will be. I especially liked what Brother Williams said about men acting this way. He pointed out that if a husband ever told his wife, "Look, this is the way it's going to be and you will give in eventually" there would be priesthood discipline. I never thought about it like that. I think marriage has to be give and take, and that both partners need to be willing to not get their way sometimes.

Common sense... is it always a good idea?

A common theme I've picked up on this week in class is that many "common sense" ways that people think they are strengthening their relationships actually end up hurting it. I remember someone in class was saying that a friend of theirs wanted to be sure that their marriage was going to last so he and his significant other cohabitated, which actually decreases the chances of having a successful marriage. I think being educated in these matters and following the advice of church leaders is the best thing we can do to strengthen future relationship.

Man and Wife... I guess they really are so different after all

I really enjoyed learning about the differences between the male verses female brain. I have all sisters and my dad has (somehow) learned to understand the way women think. Because of this I never really appreciated that mens' and womens' brains just work different. I think the reason I like this so much is because I had a "light bulb" moment where it just suddenly hit me how our brains were different. I always figured that if a guy didn't want to talk about a misunderstanding we've had it was because he either didn't care. But then it struck me that what's going on in my head isn't what's going on in his. I've since tried to explain a girl's way of interpreting different scenarios to guys and they just didn't get it. I really feel like my future relationship in marriage and with my children will be better because I finally get that we perceive and understand the same thing differently.

Common sense... maybe not so much

I love the classes where you go believing one thing and come out believing something different- it almost feels like you're now looking at the world in a slightly different way. There were a couple things like that for me today. I didn't know until today that divorce usually hurt both parties economically. It almost seems like that goes against common sense. The second (and more surprising) thing I learned today was that better communications skills didn't necessarily correlate with a better marriage. I guess that "good communication" has been stressed my whole life- and besides it just seemed like common sense. My question is if it's not good communication that makes a marriage work then what does?

Theories and why I love them!

I have always been a firm believer that knowledge is power. This is especially true in the case of social theories. Let me explain: we all do things without conscious deliberation- especially the way we react to something emotional. This is why (in my opinion) understanding theories like the exchange theory, symbolic interaction theory, family systems theory, etc.  is so important. To further illustrate I'll give an example of me and learning about the exchange theory. When I do my dishes I sometimes will wash my roommates dishes if they are in the sink. Well, there are times when they don't thank me for it and this bothers me because "after all I'm puting in just for the sake of being nice they can at least give the curtousy of a thank you," but  after learning about the exchange theory I really had to question my motives. Was I really washing the dishes just for the sake of being nice, or did I want something from it? I decided I wanted  to do their dishes just for the sake of being nice so I change my attitude. The point I'm trying (hopefully siccessfully) to make is that learning about theories can change behaviors, but even more powerfully they can change motives and attitudes as well.

Man and Wife... not so different after all

I loved where in the reading they talked about different types of relationships. Those couples whose marriages were stable and who reported having extremely high marriage satisfaction were given a questionaire on the top reasons they thought their marriage was successful. I was really surprised by the results. They found that the top seven reasons given by the wife were identical to the top seven reasons given by the husband, and then from eight to twelve the reasons were similar but in a slightly different order. It was a surprise to me that men and women would rate characteristics of their marriage so similarly.

First Post!

Alright so I don't really know how to use this all they way but here's my first post. I've already learned a lot about the learning model. I'm a junior but until our discussion today I've never really understood why we used to learning model.